It was Monday morning and I was sitting outside a local café, enjoying the sunshine, the freshly made almond latte I’d ordered and savouring the sweet berry muffin I was treating myself to. When I suddenly got an overwhelming sense of “I’d better get back home to my desk before someone sees me and thinks I am slacking off.”
I was shocked at my response, my heart rate was up and I could feel stress levels rising, even my hands were sweating.
Then I remembered that I work for myself, I am my own boss, no one will be checking on me but me as I gave out a bemused groan. To give some context I had left my corporate job the Friday before to work full-time in my business.
What shocked me was how ingrained the rules of my ex employer had become. Or more to the point the unspoken rules I had imposed upon myself on their behalf.
This got me to thinking about where else I could be placing myself under the rules of others or from myself…..
“If someone buys me a present obviously I must spend the same or more on them.”
“When someone visits the house I have to tidy and clean up like it’s a show home.” (I am rapidly getting over this one).
“If Mr F gets home late from work I can’t go to bed early, and must stay up late because he would think it was rude.” (So untrue by the way)
And then I thought about my coaching clients. I hear often “I would love to … but my husband/mother/friends would not like it.” I find some clients limit themselves over ‘perceived’ rules which they construct in their minds.
“I’d love to cut my hair short by my hubby would hate it.”
“My friends have invited me on a girls weekend, but I said no because my partner would think it was a waste of money.”
“My dream would be to take six months off work to travel, but if I ask my employer they will find a way to sack me.”
“I hate my job, and I would love to retrain but my family would be disappointed that I’ve wasted my education.”
So often I have challenged these ‘assumptions’ and had clients have come back to me and say “ I mentioned it to my hubby and he was fine – I don’t know what I was worried about?” They come back lighter of spirit and with a realisation that all of the time they were denying themselves what they truly wanted, for fear of how the other person would react was a total waste of time and energy.
This may all sound familiar to you? Or you feel you live 100% by your own rules. But I would like to invite you to sit for a couple of minutes and let your mind wander to all of the things you’d love to do. And maybe as you jot them down, you can make a note of how many times you say to yourself “I’d love to but …”
Then try testing out just one assumption and see what happens – you may be pleasantly surprised.
And now I am off to have a coffee break in the sun, living by my own rules (at least where coffee breaks are concerned ha ha) and catching that niggly little “Ah but…” voice of my own.
If you need help unpacking your “I’d love to but…” inner voice let’s chat.
Book a FREE discovery session with me and let’s see how I can help you bring more FREEDOM, FUN and FLOW into your life.